My Vow to Sara

Sara is my stepson’s mom. We’ve had our ups and downs, and our fair share of rough road and rocky journeys. Something that I’ve come to realize is that I don’t like the person that Sara has known me as. I have said some of the most hurtful, and unkind things to her. I have judged her. I have stepped on her toes. Some of those things were pre-meditated, most of them were done in the heat of the moment as a result of my own feelings being hurt, which is no excuse.

Last year I blogged about how frustrated I was with how differently Sara and I were handling a situation with Ayden. Well… Sara ran across my blog recently and it hurt her feelings. She didn’t get raging pissed at me, and freak out… her feelings were genuinely hurt. I know you are all rushing to find that post now, but I took it down. I had no intention of hurting her with that blog. I simply wanted to vent. This isn’t the first time I’ve reacted out of a dark place, and it has put a rift between us.

So… I’ve decided to write some vows to Sara. When I married Jesse, ultimately I attached myself permanently to Sara as well. We may only need to make authoritative parenting decisions together until Ayden is 18, but even after that, there will still be family functions, and grandbabies to keep us somewhat a part of each other’s lives. I don’t want to make her miserable for the rest of our lives, and I’m sure she doesn’t want to make me miserable either.

Sara… I don’t want to be this person that you’ve gotten a glimpse of. I’d like to say that isn’t who I am… but to you, I have been that person, and I’m sorry.

Sara… I promise to never ever talk bad about you, and to always hold you in a positive light in front of Ayden. I promise that I will never try to take your place as Ayden’s mother. I promise to give you first right of refusal for field trips, or any other event that Ayden would have a parent involved. I promise to never be fake. I promise to do my best at NOT immediately reacting when I am frustrated with you. I promise to respect you as a fellow Mom, doing her best to raise her child. And above all, I solemnly swear to protect, care, and love Ayden to the best of my ability.

It’s not easy to be a stepmom, where you’re the Mom, but you’re not really the Mom. Navigating these waters is like the Pacific Northwest weather… kinda overcast sometimes, torrential downpours other times, and then beautiful sunshine the rest of the time.

Why I appreciate Sara: #1- She shares the financial burden of this child. #2- She helps with his homework half the week. #3- She makes it a priority to support Ayden in his sports endeavors, and fills the stands with her family. #4- She willingly allows Ayden to be at our home half the week, and realizes the importance of his relationship with his dad. #5- She is willing to help. Once I had a migraine, and she took my daughter to basketball practice. #6- She’s always friendly to me and my family. #7- She CLEARLY loves Ayden and wants what is best for him. #7- She grounds him off of his phone sometimes.

I don’t know if Sara will ever read this. But whether she does or not… I’ll try my best to fulfill my promises to her. I had a mutual friend of mine and Sara’s tell me that had Sara and I met under different circumstances, we may even be good friends. Maybe so 🙂

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