House Arrest

Is there such a thing as a harmless crime? If so… I would like to commit that and be on house arrest. I would happily wear whatever ankle bracelet tracking system the judge ordered.

Oh the joy. Can you even imagine?

I can see myself plugging in my government-spy Alexa and having it play all kinds of music. Rocking out to Janis Joplin, and praising God with Mercy Me. I would frolic through my living room and kitchen like an uninhibited child. I would cuddle on the couch with my dog, and book (currently reading Rich China Girlfriend. Laugh out loud funny). I would create a grocery list for my kids to go fill when they returned from school. I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO GO TO THE GROCERY STORE!!!

My house would be clean. I would be forced to say NO if asked to do something, or go somewhere. I may even put pencil to paper and hit some writing goals.

I’m sure my skin and hair would be healthier. I’d be a more pleasant wife.

I’d save money on gas.

I would be home to welcome my people when they got home. Hugs and homemade cookies.

Oh such joy! The giddiness of a school girl is resonating through my body at these thoughts!

It would be worth the fines. I would sacrifice my clean record.

Now, what crime to commit?