Identity

Today is my birthday. Happy Birthday to me! I’m 43. Halfway to 86. Lots of things today will be about ME. The shared credit card is buying ME coffee this morning. My boss told me she’s buying ME lunch. People are gathering for dinner for ME. Presents will be given to ME. I’ve already received texts and Facebook messages, wishing ME a wonderful day. How fun.

When I set out to walk my dog this morning (because she has no concept that the day is about ME and not HER)… I turned on a Tony Robbins podcast. Ironically… it was about ME. Or more specifically, it was about Identity. How fitting. On MY day… I inadvertently take the time to listen to what it means to be me.

Tony Robbins says, “Identity is this incredible invisible force that controls your whole life. It’s invisible, like gravity is invisible, but it controls your whole life.” Wow. It controls how I make decisions? Yes. It controls how I treat other people? Yes. It controls what I try to control? Yes. It controls my habits, hang-ups, and addictions? Yes. It controls my anger, joy, anxiety, peace? Yes.

The podcast was mostly with his wife, Sage and a family friend Melissa (or Michelle. Crap. I should’ve written it down. We’ll call her M.).

There was so much good info packed into this segment. About I AM statements. How we say them over and over and they become who we think we are. About how we are more than our behavior, more than the bodies we have.

Sage asked if her hair was cut off and her limbs cut off, would she still be Sage? Well of course. But take it a step further… if God took your children before you, would you still be YOU? If you lost your job, or your sight, or your husband left you… would you still be YOU? If you went bankrupt. If you were kidnapped and held hostage in a foreign country. If you were paralyzed. If you had to move across the country. Would you still be YOU?

Surface level, most people would probably say yes. But dig a little deeper. If your very IDENTITY is that of being a Mother. And your children were taken from you. How do you think you would fare as still being yourself?

I’ve always hated saying, “I am an insurance agent.” NOT because it gives some people dirty-car-salesman feelings (in which case you need a better agent!). NOT because I am ashamed of my career. It is because it is not my identity, but I feel like the I AM statement is claiming it as my identity.

I am a wife and a mother and a daughter and a friend. Those are all part of who I am. But not my whole. If those things were taken from me, I want to still be me.

The only true identity I want to claim is being a Christ-follower. That’s my stake in the ground. If everything was taken from me, I will still be me. Who am I? I am a beautiful and precious creation, beloved by God, and claimed by Christ. Nothing can take that away from me. If my children die and my husband leaves me… I will be ok. I would mourn and my life would be chaos and I am NOT saying anything about those things would be easy. Even saying that out-loud seems blasphemous. Also freeing. I’m staking my identity in something that will never change; in someone that will never leave me. Wow. This frees me up to live a life of less worry and anxiety, a gift to myself and those around me. And maybe it would free my kids or my husband of any burden they may carry regarding me.

As I go about the day, I am going to really be aware of my I AM statements. For instance, I am late for work now because I HAD to get all this out. I am chronically late. I think it is a character flaw… yet I consistently fail at being on time and constantly say I AM LATE (literally twice in this paragraph already!). I need to nix that out of my ‘identity’… I will say, I struggle with punctuality, until I overcome this challenge. In changing what I tell myself and in essence my identity, I will be motivated to make changes to help me reflect that identity of being punctual. This feat seems even more challenging than living a life of that of a Christ-follower. I kid. I think.

I also want to ponder how to balance the different parts I play in life… being wife and mother. I may not stake my full identity in those roles, but they are a HUGE part of my life. How to hold space for all the parts, while respecting the true identity. AND recognizing the little identities I carry that I need to let go of (or viciously cut off of myself)

I’m curious as to what others claim as their identity. And if their words match their actions and reflect in the life they live. Looking over the last year of my life… I already see my life changing to reflect my true identity. The world pulls me in many different directions though and I know I need to remind myself constantly of what that identity is or I will get lost in the good and the bad that want to cling to me and make their identity mine.

If you lost everything you think is important… would you still be YOU?