Empty Tank

I’m running on empty lately. Grieving the loss of my dad is the most exhausting activity I’ve ever experienced. Then stack on a house renovation. Three teenagers. A marriage. A day job. Trying to take care of myself. Phew… it’s a lot. Then the lingering little things… setting doctors appointments, sending my college kid some love, grocery shopping, emptying the dishwasher, eating… and on and on and on. I haven’t even thanked the lovely lady that gave me the most beautiful peace lily last month.

Jesse and I had a heart to heart last night. The recent stress has been wearing on us. We’re snapping at each other. We’re not playing well with each other. At a time that we need each other the most, we’re pushing each other away. We can’t keep moving this way.

So, we’ve extended the goal for completing the house renovation. We’re realigning our priorities. The house is important, but not as important as the relationships, the fragile emotions, and the grieving process that we’re all going through. We’ve lost two fathers in the last two months. That’s a lot.

The conversation last night felt good.

I woke up this morning and listened to Priscilla Shirer podcast and the idea of priorities was solidified. She talked about how we have so much in our lives, but in each season there are priorities. We are our healthiest and most efficient selves when we focus on those priorities. Sometimes we need to just say no when other people or activities try to crowd out those priorities. The podcast message was a nudge to stay committed to last night’s plan.

I jumped in the van to head to the office. And the gas light was glowing bright. From the night before. There was no time to stop for gas. I needed to get to work. I prayed the needle would stay above the DANGER line and I made it. Now, as I get ready to leave the office this evening, I’m reminded that I’m on empty. If I run out of gas, my evening plans will be wrecked, and my husband will be P.O’d because he’ll need to come rescue me.

Dear God… I get it. I will prioritize the blessings you put in my life, I will say no when I need to, and I will care for myself so I don’t run out of gas and wreck my world, catapulting emotional shrapnel at the people I love. Just please please please… get me to the gas station. The lesson is learned :)… at least for now.