Sequestered with Teens; Day Nine
The rhythm of love and discipline, sympathy and boundaries.
Last night as I said goodnight to Alexis, something inside me KNEW… she was going to sneak out. Don’t ask me how I knew. But I KNEW. I set my alarm for the middle of the night to check on her. I woke up before my alarm. I stood at her closed door for a minute. I knew she wasn’t there, but hoped so mightily that she was. She wasn’t, but she came back while I was in her bedroom. I stood above her, while she stood in the rain outside her window. She wasn’t shocked to see me there. And I guess I wasn’t shocked to see her out there either. She looked despondent, dispirited. I didn’t freak out. I didn’t even feel like freaking out. I just felt sad. I felt sad because the previous day was so great. Sad that Alexis is so self-serving. Sad that I know how desperately she wants to be out of this situation. Sad that I knew this meant I would need to discipline her and in doing so, wreak havoc in my life. This headstrong young lady doesn’t take her punishment with a smile. Oh no. She makes us all pay for her mistakes.
I haven’t decided what her consequences will be, other than I took her phone. That is probably the worst punishment I could render. I drove her to work and picked her up because I don’t trust her to drive herself. Part of me wondered if she’d even be there when I returned.
One of the hardest things about this situation is that I know that I would have done the same thing. I have no doubt that my best friend and I would have snuck out. But that doesn’t make it OK.
Today, I’m tired. And irritable. I’ve bitched more than normal. I’ve had to put my Mommy-disciplinary pants on and they are uncomfortable, they don’t quite fit right. When really I just want to hold my child while she cries and tell her she can go see her boyfriend.
Highlight of the day: A visit from my mom and Kym. That was nice. I set up chairs on my front porch, six feet away from each other. We bundled up and chatted. Each of us has our own unique struggles and challenges during this. I’m so grateful for the unconditional love and support I have from these amazing women.